


Your Light, It Follows Me in Darkness

by Signsofsam



Series: To the Rhythm of a Wild Heart [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Week 2020, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25172023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: "Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.”And oh god, something twists in Eddie’s heart as Buck nods, sniffling as Chris’ arms squeeze around the man’s broad shoulders, his small hand rubbing Buck’s back, just like his dad does when he isn’t feeling well. Chris figures it always makes him feel better, and he wants Buck to feel better, too, so he also whispers his dad’s magic words: “You’re gonna be okay, kid. Just cry it out; I’ll be here when you need me.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: To the Rhythm of a Wild Heart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819261
Comments: 9
Kudos: 145





	Your Light, It Follows Me in Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "It's okay, you can cry" + comfort.
> 
> Title is from _Like a River Runs_ by Bleachers (though I listened to the Sia version copious amounts of times while writing).

Eddie hangs out in the hallway outside Buck’s hospital room for longer than he should, pacing back and forth, just trying to figure out what exactly he’s supposed to say to his highschool boyfriend that isn’t blabbing out “I still love you.” They’ve both grown up, changed, and Eddie has some major baggage in the form of a son and a dead ex-wife and Buck...well, Buck’s been gone for seven years.

So yeah, they’ve both changed, and maybe they’ve grown apart? They’ve probably grown apart, because they're different people than they were in high school, right?

But all Eddie can think about is how his heart started hammering in his chest when he saw Buck’s Jeep in the ditch, memories creeping into his head, of spending the summers after his sophomore and junior year in that Jeep, cruising around town and finding new spots to make out, heady nights where he and Buck used the back to figure out where the limits between making out and going all the way blurred. Memories of Buck driving him to school, kissing sweetly in the parking lot, of Buck handing him his baseball stuff in the spring, and of one epic fight the night after graduation, when Buck told him he was leaving.

And then Eddie left, too, signed up for the Army to do something with his life.

Then came Shannon, and then Chris, and both of them trying to make their hasty marriage and small family work until it didn’t and Eddie ran away, back to Afghanistan.

And then came the incident in the desert that earned him his Silver Star, a medical discharge, a few scars, a roaring case of PTSD, and his wife abandoning him and their disabled child.

But, for all her faults, Shannon leaving (and her death a few months later) was the kick in the butt he needed to piece his life back together. He got himself into therapy, took Abuela’s offer for a place to stay and help with Chris, and found his way back to Bobby.He’d become a firefighter, and he was pretty damn good at his job. He made a life he was mostly proud of back in LA.

But still no Buck, until last night, that fateful night.

Maybe it’s a sign?

If only he would walk into the hospital room and _see_.

“ _Deja de ser un cobarde_ ,” he mutters, hands sliding through his hair, tightening in it in frustration. “ _Consíguelo, Edmundo_.”

Finally, after another deep breath in and out to calm his nerves before they get the better of him yet again, he steps into the room. Buck’s asleep, and all the build-up Eddie’s gone through to get to this point now feels a little ridiculous, but Bobby smiles at him, stuffing a bookmark in the book he was reading. “He’s still sleeping off all the drugs from surgery and his concussion, so he’s been in and out all day.”

“How is he?”

“It’s gonna be a long road, but the doc’s pretty hopeful he’ll make a full recovery. You want to sit with him?” When Eddie blinks, frowning, Bobby stands. “I need to take a walk and get some coffee and call Athena anyway; you’d really be doing me a favor.”

“Only if I’m not disturbing you.” He sinks into the chair, and Bobby smiles at him again, glancing back at Buck. “Do I-if he wakes?”

“He can have the ice chips. It’s taking him a few minutes to really figure out where he is, so just give him a little time.” Bobby pats Buck’s shoulder, keeping away from the cast, and then squeezes Eddie’s shoulder as he turns to leave. “I’m really glad you’re here, Eddie. _He’s_ going to be really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

And then Bobby leaves, and it’s just Eddie and Buck, and Eddie...he can’t sit here and wait.

The silence is overwhelming.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing here, Buck. We-we’ve been apart a long time, and there were so many days that I just wanted to call, to talk to you. I wanted to call you when Shannon told me she was pregnant, and when Chris...he has cerebral palsy, but Buck? He’s this amazing little human that came from some part of me that is just good and wholesome and he thinks the entire world is his sandbox and I love him for it. He’s a godsend, he really is.”

And from there, it gets easier. Eddie talks about his parents, about the struggle to keep Chris, to make them see that he could be a good parent, about how Abuela was a saint and how he’d finally found something he loved nearly as much as he loved being a soldier. He gets so lost in the mindless babble that he jumps when Buck whispers, “you’re here.”

He’s blinking owlishly at Eddie, and Eddie smiles at him, gently carding his fingers through Buck’s hair. “Hey, you.” 

“I...I left you. I….I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to think about that right now, Buck. You’re hurt; you just need to think about getting better.”

“But you...you aren’t going? You’ll...you’ll be here.”

“Yeah, Buck, I’ll be here.”

\--//--//--

“So...so you knew Buck in high school?” 

“You know how daddy likes boys and girls?” Chris nods, his eyebrows furrowing as he looks up at his dad. They’re making their slow way down the hallway of the hospital. “Well, in high school I really liked Buck, but he was also my best friend.”

“But I’ve never met him?”

“We haven’t spoken in awhile. He had things he had to do, on his own. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not an important person to me. And I want you to meet him because he’s pretty amazing.”

“Did you love him before you loved Mommy?”

“I was a teenager, so I don’t know if it was exactly love, but...yes, he was the person I cared about most before I met your mom, before you came along to take that crown.” Chris grins up at him, before focusing on his walking; the best thing about LA is the amount of highly qualified therapists that he’s found for Chris, ensuring his son has the best advantages for learning to cope with his disability. Walking with the help of his crutches was one of the many things they’d been working on, and though sometimes he wobbled just a bit, his son was an absolute champ who insisted that he could do it by himself, he could walk on his own, he didn’t need anyone’s help up Abuela’s not-so-steep front porch step. _I got it, Dad_ seems to be his favorite words at the moment.

God, Eddie loves his kid more than words could express.

They get to Buck’s room and the door is open, and Eddie can hear Bobby and Buck talking inside, though it may be edging closer to an argument. He knocks on the door, and both of them jump; they’re both clearly irritated, and Buck’s eyes seem to be brimming in tears. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but-”

“I need to take a walk anyway,” Bobby cuts in, pushing himself out of his seat. After a moment, he reaches out to squeeze Buck’s forearm. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all I ask.” He smiles wearily at Eddie as he takes off. 

“I don’t have to stay if-”

“No, please, I don’t want to be alone right now. I just...it’s been a long time, and I’ve changed, and everyone else has changed, and I don’t know if Bobby and I can find our way back after everything.”

“Well, I have someone for you to meet, if you’re feeling up to it?” Buck tilts his head, eyebrow arching, curiosity outweighing the sadness for the moment. Eddie smiles as he helps Chris shuffle into the room; Buck’s watching his son with wonder, like he hadn’t quite believed when Eddie told him. “So, Buck, meet Chris. Chris, meet my good friend, Buck.”

“You said he was your _best_ friend, Dad,” Chris corrects him, as he motions for his dad to pick him up. Eddie waits for Buck’s nod before he hauls his son onto the bed, taking Chris’ crutches and setting them at the side. “And if you’re Dad’s best friend, then we have to be friends too, Bucky.” He offers his hand out to Buck, and Eddie can _see_ Buck’s lip wobble as he takes Chris’ small hand as gently as he can, shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you, Buck.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Christopher. Your dad’s told me a lot about you these past few days.” 

And dang, seeing his son with...whatever Buck is, his friend? his former lover? his first love? (friend. Eddie is sure that Buck is still his friend.) brings Eddie such joy, his past and his present colliding and maybe (hopefully) molding his future with both of them, together. Chris is talking softly, taking Buck’s whole attention, so Eddie steps out to quickly grab Chris a juice and track down a red jello for Buck. It’s maybe five or six minutes, but when he steps back through the doorway, Buck’s got tears streaming down his face, shaky breaths coming out, and his son, his beautiful, amazing, wonderful son, is talking.

**“It’s okay, you can cry.** Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.” 

And oh god, something twists in Eddie’s heart as Buck nods, sniffling as Chris’ arms squeeze around the man’s broad shoulders, his small hand rubbing Buck’s back, just like his dad does when he isn’t feeling well. Chris figures it always makes him feel better, and he wants Buck to feel better, too, so he also whispers his dad’s magic words: “You’re gonna be okay, kid. Just cry it out; I’ll be here when you need me.”

He steps back out of the doorway, giving them a few moments in this moment for them together, until he hears Chris say something, too soft for Eddie to understand, but it makes Buck laugh. 

That’s perfect timing.

Buck smiles brightly at him, still a bit red-eyed. “Thank you for coming. And thank you for bringing him, Eddie. I...I really appreciate it.” He turns his smile to Chris. “I appreciate you. I was feeling a little down in the dumps, and you made it all better. You really do give special, cry-helping hugs. You’re like a real-life Superman.”

It takes time; their problems don’t just get solved in a day, a week, even a month, despite Chris’ cry-helping hugs that he gives out frequently. There’s a rough night about two months after the hospital when Buck shows up, saying he needs his Superman, and Eddie lets him in with no comment, and let’s Buck help with Chris’ nighttime routine, and watches as Chris squeezes Buck tight just before he goes to bed. They themselves has an argument three months in, about high school, and why Buck left, and _why didn’t you fucking come back_ Eddie shouts as Buck leaves, following it up with a snappy _that’s right; run away from all the people who care about you once again!_ They fight, and make up, and Buck builds his life in LA once again. He’s looking into college classes, or maybe even the fire academy (“Bobby told me he’s proud of me no matter what; I haven’t had anyone tell me they were proud of my life decisions since I was eighteen,” Buck tells Eddie one late night, well after Chris has gone to bed and they’re both nursing a single beer).

It’s six months later, when they’re out at the park and Buck and Eddie are still dancing around each other in the flirty will they, won’t they dance they’ve been doing for months, Chris will roll his eyes and mutter, “why don’t you just _kiss_ already?”

They’ll both blush, but Buck’s eyes will be glittering with amusement as he answers, “well, not only do you have the best cry-helping hugs, but you also have all the bright ideas, Superman,” and pulls Eddie into a second first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> And thus ends this little series. Thank you in advance for the comments/kudos! 
> 
> Spanish translations (at least according to Google translate; if you have better wording/if the translation is wrong, please let me know and I'll fix!)
> 
> _Deja de ser un cobarde._ -Stop being a coward.  
>  _Consíguelo_ -Get it together.
> 
> Tomorrow: Day 6.
> 
> Hope you're all doing fabulously! If you want, you can find me [here](https://signsofsam.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!


End file.
